Re-Evaluate the Life You Live

How many mornings do most people wake up, roll out of bed and start their day not realizing just how blessed and fortunate they are? Sure, they may have a stack of bills, or a week a chaos between work and children and they may have to sit in the dreaded traffic to and from work. Does that make life that bad or does it make it to where people should be grateful? To me, the vast majority of people should take a step back, re-evaluate their lives, and just be thankful. I say this because I have personally had the experiences of not only fighting for my oldest daughters chance of survival and my husbands adjustment after combat and all that war does to a soldier with his experience; but I have also been faced with fighting for my own life on quite a few occasions over the 28 years that I have been living. Yet, through it all, I still look at things in the optimistic way, even if I can't go and do what everyone else can on a daily basis. I never know what is ahead of me.

Let me tell you some of what I have been through:

At the age of 2 I spent a few weeks in a burn unit in downtown Atlanta, GA for pulling a pot of boiling water on me. The water left me with severe burns and scars that I have to this day, covering me from chin down. I was immediately admitted into the Grady Burn Unit. To this day I hate the feeling of hot water so I will wash everything I possibly can in the dishwasher. The smell of burning skin still haunts me and leaves me incredibly sick feeling. Yet, the thing that matters the most, I am still here. That day I had someone watching over me.

At the age of 5 we were in a real bad car wreck in GA one evening. My mom was driving and someone pulled out in front of her. I was at the age of defiance and had unbuckled myself because I was determined to sit in the front seat. During this time, my brother, who was two also became unbuckled. When the wreck happened, I was thrown from the backseat into the front floorboard, as was my little brother. By the grace of God, I was injured pretty bad, yet my baby brother was not. He landed on top of me and walked away with no trauma. I landed head first into glass that shattered upon impact and was left for awhile pulling glass out of my head. When the paramedics arrived I was unconscious with blood everywhere. My mother had been injured and was unable to do much from her being knocked out at first. She had to have stitches in her chin. I had a pretty bad concussion, glass in my head, and stitches in my knee. Again, I survived this experience. Now days, I refuse to even move the car unless everyone is buckled up and my kids are securely fastened in their seats. I have been known to pull over or just stop the car if they aren't.

Past these things, from the age of 9 I started to experience health problems with my thyroid and at the age of 14 problems with the female organs. If you have been reading this blog for awhile, then you are aware of my health struggles. At 22 my thyroid had to be removed and I am life dependent on the medications now. Over the past almost three years, I have spent time in the hospital hooked up to machines and going through procedures and testing because my body rejected the thyroid hormone. I had real low blood pressure and a real slow heartbeat. Again, surprising the doctors, I fought through these times refusing to give up.

At the age of 14, I was told I would never have children. Yet, at 17 I became pregnant. I had my children at 18, 19, and 23. Of course many will say that is way too young and, while I do agree, I also think that God had plans for me and was watching over me because at the age of 25 I had no other choice but to undergo a hysterectomy. I lost all my chances of ever having another child again. At 25 and still at 28 I struggle everyday with this. I am constantly in a personal battle trying to understand it more.

Lastly, on two different occasions late last year I was admitted into the hospital for Renal Failure. The first time, I was in kidney failure for four days at our house, refusing to go to the ER because the doctors at Beaumont said the pain is normal. Why would I overreact and go in to the ER if this was the case. Yet, at that point I had already had to undergo many surgeries and knew something wasn't right. I got to the point I was struggling to breathe, couldn't walk, and had spent four days not being able to urinate. I started to vomit and knew I had no other choice than to go in. Kevin rushed me to the ER and within no time we discovered I was in kidney failure and that my whole body was in fact, shutting down. The ER doctor came into my room, sat down with tears in his eyes, and informed us they didn't know what to expect from all this and couldn't make any promises. At the age of 28, I laid on my bed, called my dad and broke down into tears. I had a husband and three children that needed me and yet, I had no idea if I would ever make it back home to them. For days and months I fought for my life. I went into renal failure again a couple months later.

To this day I am not able to jump up and do as I use to (before last year), I am constantly having to monitor what I eat, drink, and even the medications I take for the above reasons and a few more reasons I have no talked about. I fought for my life and will continue to do so. Nothing is ever guaranteed in this life we live and too many like to complain and have pity parties over things that hand fulls of people would fight to have. No matter where we are in life, at most times, life is what we make it. Anyone can turn a negative situation into a positive one, yet there are far too many that choose not too. I often wonder why that is. I know my optimistic  outlook can at times drive others crazy, but I feel if I were any other way I would not have survived the past experiences. Even if I can't work full time like I use to or have a few drinks because too much on my kidneys is real bad and can end my life instantly, my life is far from over. Even if I have more surgeries that lie ahead, which I will, it won't hold me down or stop me (just for note, I have had more than 11 surgeries now). There is a reason that God has left me here. In ways, I wonder what is ahead and if something big will happen. I wonder if there are ways I will make a difference in other people. I hope so. To only be 28, I feel so far above the actual age from experiences in my life and health issues.

The reason I got on this kick is because I saw a video this morning and it really touched me. Two Iraqi boys were left in shoe boxes following their births years ago and were discovered by a Nun. This Nun took them to the orphanage where they spent some time before a woman from Australia found them. She originally took them back to Australia for surgeries and ended up adopting them. They lost a lot due to chemical warfare, like their hands and who they are and have no idea how old they are. There was nothing left with them in their shoe boxes. This morning I watched a video with Emmanuel in one of the most inspirational and motivational performances that I have ever seen. It reminded me again of just how valuable life really is. Please take a moment to watch it and be prepared to tear up. I know I did! Amazing how far he has come, as well as his brother thanks to this amazing Australian family that took them in and made them their own.

After Britt's Surgery Update

As most know, I had to undergo another abdominal/pelvic surgery six days ago, on Wednesday (August 17, 2011). The surgery was expected to hold many complications, but not as many as it ended up having. Dr. Farnam, my surgeon, was not too sure if he would be able to remove my cervix, or if this would lead to more surgeries, because he was limited to the information on what all was going on with me since the Army has it all.

I ended up going into surgery a little earlier that what was scheduled, which now is an excellent thing! The typical 30-45 minute surgery that I went in for ended up taking over 3.5 hours. Talk about complications. When Dr. Farnam made the incisions, he explained afterwards, that I was more covered in adhesion's than I should be. Too many within a year period and this explained all the pain that I was in. However, it also left a lot of questions as to what in the world the surgeon last year was honestly doing when her removed my ovaries. It took the my surgeon over an hour and a half just to cut through and clean the adhesion's out and yes, he did make the final diagnosis of my adhesive disease that I am now stuck with. This means there will more than likely be more surgeries in the future as a clean out and hopefully nothing more. At some point, pieces of my ovaries were found still in my pelvic cavity. Yes, you read right.... Which explains why the ER doctor kept telling me that I had ovarian cyst even after I argued that my ovaries were removed. This may also be why I have not felt well at all, even while on my estrogen. Then it took more time to separate my cervix from my sigmoid colon. The two were tapered together and in poor condition. While separating, they did run into a small  problem with a tear in my colon that was repaired right away. Gas was used to fill my colon in order to make sure there was no leakage. Thankfully, Dr. Farnam did an awesome job! After that, he went on to remove my cervix. As I said earlier, what should have taken under an hour, ended up lasting over three and a half hours due to all the complications.  I see Dr. Farnam later this week to find out more details of the surgery and what all was found. At this point, I am really not too sure what to even think. He was able to confirm how much the surgeon at Beaumont really jacked me up and to be honest, I still have not been able to process it all yet... I am really upset over it and have tried to not think about it this week. With all the adhesion's and ovary pieces, I can't help but to wonder what he really did last year, besides almost cost me my life on different occasions.

This surgery was much more painful that I ever expected and there were times I found it very hard to breathe. It has taken a toll on my body, emotionally and physically, and honestly right now I am just trying to maintain a busy life. I have been home since the day after, Thursday, and have been taking it easy for the most part. Okay, and I have been absolutely bored out of my mind. Yet, I have managed to keep my word this time around and do pretty much nothing at all during this recovery time! You should all be so incredibly proud, because this is seriously hard to do for me! Kevin has been a wonderful help. David, Kev's dad, happened to come in town over the weekend. Which, this of course, was a wonderful distraction away from the surgery, with the exception of the fact I felt horrible for not being able to do anything at all but sit around the house. I am on a two week do nothing at all schedule. No lifting, bending, picking things up, or anything really other than sitting on the couch. Oh, and I can't drive for at least the first two weeks. Thank God for my baby laptop! I'd be real lost without it. Especially since my cell phone fell into the bathtub and the bottom button no longer works. If you have an IPhone, you know exactly how annoying this is. I have to turn it off and back on just to get into a different file! Once my two weeks is up, I can slowly start doing things again. I still have to take it extremely easy until I am past the eight week mark on recovery. Only seven more to go!

Thank you to all that have been here helping me get through this time. Thank you to the family and friends that I may not talk to everyday, yet you have been full of thoughts, prayers, messages, and calls throughout this past week. I can never explain exactly what this has meant to me. It goes to show that we don't have to talk everyday in order to always be here for each other! I love you all and am very blessed to have you all in my life!

 Thank you to my girls that I have been blessed with through FOV! You ladies NEVER let me down and never let me go through anything alone! Y'all are absolutely amazing and I'd be lost you in my life. What went from "co-workers" has turned into lifelong friends. Thank you for being who you are and I love each of you so very much!  You guys mean more to me than any amount of words could ever say!

And of course, thank you to the most amazing husband and children a girl could ever wish and hope for. I have been incredibly lucky and more blessed than I probably deserve. Thank you Kevin for always staying by my side and sticking by me through everything in life. I love you and our kids more than the air I breathe and cannot wait to see what life has in store for us, especially with the upcoming changes that are soon about to take place! I love you with every ounce of my being!

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you... and many, many more Thank You's to my family at FamilyOfaVet.com, Hillary, and Joanna for sending me such beautiful flowers, cards, candy, and cookies! All of them are absolutely amazing and beautiful! You all know exactly how to make a girl feel incredibly special! I love you guys! ***Sorry Jo, the cookies were opened before I could ever take a picture of them! Kids, lol. They are all very tasty!***

Here We Go Again... Another Abdominal Surgery....

This afternoon was spent at the surgeons office, to receive the official news, in which we already expected, that I DO in fact have to undergo another pelvic surgery. As most of you may know, for years I have had issues and health problems in the female region due to endometreosis and ovarian cysts. I have also had multiple surgeries on my pelvic/abdominal area. More so that any one person should ever have to go through. In October of 2008, a surgeon out here had to remove my uterus in hopes of it helping the situation. Once he removed it (which he said was the worst looking uterus he had ever seen) and cleaned the endometreosis and adhesion's out, I started feeling a little better ~ pain wise.

Not too long following the hysterectomy, the pain was back as intense as ever and the cysts kept forming and rupturing. I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. In August of 2010, the GYN department on post decided it was time to remove my ovaries. So, there we were again awaiting an oopherectomy. His plan was to remove my cervix at that time as well,  however due to the adhesion's and endometreosis that were still forming everywhere, he was unable to even get to my cervix. He let us know that I am a very complicated case and he is not qualified for it. He explained then that I would have to see a oncologist, because they have more experience in removing the cervix when it is under major complications. Looking back, I am glad he didn't even try, considering his incompetence placed me on my death bed... He was the one that did not cauterize the sites when he removed my ovaries. This left me bleeding internally and put me into kidney failure. When we went to the ER I was literally dying. Due to this, I now have permanent issues with my kidneys, went into kidney failure a second time in November, and have remained anemic, as well as many other issues. 

Since the surgery, I have felt better because I no longer have ovarian cysts. Sadly though, I still have a great amount of pain from my cervix. I was referred to Dr. Farnam ~ who is an AMAZING doctor that specializes in complicated GYN surgeries. I saw him a little over a week ago for my consult and he told me then that my cervix does indeed need to be removed. However, he did not promise it would alleviate all the issues and pain. Today he went into greater detail. What it boils down to is he will not know the severity of my situation until he has opened me up. This surgery could take thirty minutes or it could last over three hours. His goal is to remove my cervix and clean any adhesion's. If he sees that removing my cervix is too complicated from it being wrapped up in my colon, bladder, and whatever else he will have no other choice but to close me back up and schedule another surgery once I recover from this one. He was explaining that if my cervix is in too much of a complicated place, he will have to call in Dr. Gomez (my life saving surgeon last year when I went into kidney failure. If it weren't for him, I would not be here any longer). Dr. Gomez is an excellent surgeon that would work hand in hand with Dr. Farnam is needed in order to avoid bowel damages and to leave me with a colostomy bag. I love the fact that he knows what he is doing, yet is not too arrogant or does not have too much pride that he refuses to ask for assistance. If you want to look him up, his website is www.farnammd.com. Dr. Farnam also proceeded to tell me that if he could not remove my cervix, even with Dr. Gomez, then he would have no other choice than to refer me to the Mayo clinic next. Typically following this procedure, patients are sent home. With that being said, I will more than likely be kept in the hospital due to my medical problems and the complications that could arise. He is also very pissed with the incompetent doctors at Beaumont that allowed last year to happen and to see what it has done to me. Dr. Farnam also informed me that he cannot promise this will leave me pain free. Scary enough, all the damages done last year and over the last 15 years have more than likely left me with permanent pain in the pelvic and abdominal regions. He explained there is a very high chance that I will always be on pain meds and that there will be certain things I can never do or have to limit myself to...

My thoughts, well, I am scared because I have to undergo ANOTHER surgery. This makes 11 surgeries in 9 years. This makes 8 on my abdomen overall and the fourth surgery since last August, three of which have been abdominal and one spinal. While I am scared, I am also very angry and extremely tired of this. I hate the surgeries. I hate the medical problems that I have. I find myself angry a lot lately due to the fact that I can no longer have children and the ones I did have I had a real hard time carrying and they were all full of bedrest and pre-term labor, as well as other issues. I find myself wishing that I could be like many others and the reality that I can't do what others can breaks my heart. I see many take advantage of their good health, when they should be more grateful for it. Yet, through all of this, I find myself happy and beyond thankful to still be here and be alive, when I know that I shouldn't be after last year and the years prior to that. I just wish others understood that life has not been easy and I do have to fight for my health to remain stable. I have a lot more emotions to this all, but none that I am ready to share on here with everyone... At least not yet. I may be sometime very soon.....

What I ask of each of you reading, please just say a prayer for the complications to be minimal and for this to go without further dangers. As well as a prayer that I feel better from the spinal surgery I had in June very soon! We really need this to go as smooth as possible and for the recovery to go without issues. Thank you to the ones that have stayed by my side through all these health scares and issues. I would be lost without each of you. The more I know, the more I will update on here. Right now, I feel kind of at a loss for words out of the concern, fear, and pure exhaustion.

Thank you everyone!

Falling in Love All Over Again

After three hours of Kevin being in the OR and me being on the verge of a breakdown because the procedure that was only supposed to last a little over an hour ended up being over three hours. Panic was beginning to set in to the point I had to ask the Red Cross Volunteer woman if she could find out what was going on with my husband. Of course, she went to the OR area to check the status of his procedure and find out what was taking so long. She was only away from a few minutes and came back with the news that they were in the process of transferring him from the OR to the recovery area and that his doctor would be visiting with me within moments.

Not long after the conversation with this sweet lady, Kevin's neurosurgeon came in to get me and Nicholas. As we were walking to the recovery area, Dr. Caram explained all that had taken place and why it had taken double to time. Once he had made the incision and was in the neck area, he was able to see the extent of the damages. He was able to see that the MRI did not show how horrible things really were and what had been done to Kevin after being hit with so many IED's. Kevin has severe arthritis and bone spurs in his neck as well as the bones crushing down on his neck. There was a lot of drilling and moving around in order to replace a disc and perform a fusion. He had bones pressing down on the nerves that was causing a constant pain in his neck, shoulders, and stabbing headaches. 

As we approached the recovery area, I saw my husband lying in the bed not even knowing who he was or where he was at that moment. I saw a side of him that I had never seen, even after he had his arm surgeries he wasn't as bad. He kept lifting his arms and placing his hands against his heads in hopes of trying to ease the pain. The good sign that I immediately picked up on was that my husband was lifting his arms again with no problem. But, to see him in that amount of pain I felt my heart just ache. For about an hour they kept pushing the pain meds through him in hopes to alleviate some of the pain. I felt helpless seeing him this way. Yet, he kept grabbing onto me and keeping me as close to him as he could.

About an hour after being in the recovery area, we were taken a few floors up to a room that he would be staying the night in. During the few hours that I was able to stay with him, Kevin kept me laying beside him, holding me close, which Nic played on my phone or watched a movie. I felt like at some points I was Kev's crutch as he tried to hard to not let me see the pain he was in. I don't think he realized that it all showed through just by looking at his eyes. Through this time, Kev kept telling me how much he loves me and yet, I still felt helpless because I couldn't just make him feel better.

During this time, I felt my heart break into a million pieces as I watched the battles, yet at the same time I felt my heart swell with pride knowing what all he has done and been through. I caught myself on multiple moments after he pulled me beside him to lay with him on his bed, tearing up and trying my hardest not to shed even a single tear. I mean, how do you explain to someone fresh out of surgery the thoughts that were going through my mind. Everything from the past two deployments and his injuries became raw and fresh to me all over again. My husband has honestly lived through the true hell of combat. He has done, seen, witnessed what we all fear or worse, what we all imagine the most difficult situations to be in war. He pulled convoy security, he did the recovery missions, he was involved in multiple firefights. He's lived the true hell of war.

For the first time since his return in 2007 and again in 2009, everything truly hit me. It all came falling down on me like a pile of bricks. When I returned home that evening, the tears just poured. I often hear many wives mad and yelling at the world because their spouse is no longer the person that they sent off to war. I know this is true.... Yet, how can one find so much anger in this situation. All I could think was, my husband came home. Even if he has severe problems with PTSD, TBI, sleep apnea, skin cancer, and everything else that has come out of the deployments, we can work through it all. He's home with me and our kids and he is alive. There were so many times over there when things could have gone differently. I could have been one of the many that had to live through the feared and dreaded speech of "On behalf of the United States Army, we regret to inform you...", yet I wasn't. I didn't have to explain to our children that their daddy wasn't coming home. I haven't had to rebuild my life, alone, while daily just trying to keep it together because my spouse didn't come home physically.

So, here I am, lucky and relieved because I can lay my head down every night with Kevin beside me. As I write this, I feel selfish and in pain because I know how many others there are that are no longer able to experience this any longer. In the end, regardless of what war has brought to my house, I no longer have doubts, fears, or worries that we not overcome everything. Sure, life and marriage won't always be easy, nor do I expect it to be. However, something during the recovery period following Kev's surgery hit me hard and I found myself falling in love all over again with this man that I met years ago and have been blessed to share my life with. War changes people, but it's what you make of it in the end and the determination a spouse and veteran have to make things work. I welcome the new changes that lie ahead, including the challenges that come after combat.  Kevin will never be the same mentally or physically again as he was before he ever deployed, yet he will always be the man I love and continue sharing my life with. 

Kevin's Spinal Surgery Update

As most of you know, on Wednesday at 5:20 in the morning, we had to report to William Beaumont Army Medical Center for Kev's spinal surgery. This procedure consisted of a disc replacement in C5-6 and a fusion at C6-7.

Of course Tuesday night went by with very limited sleep and Wednesday morning came way too early! We did manage to make it to the hospital on time, even with Nicholas not wanting to wake up and get going. Surprisingly, they allowed Nic and I to go everywhere along side Kevin with of course the exception of the OR. Around 7:40 and the meetings with the surgical team, we were told to head to the waiting room and that the surgery would last a little under two hours. Needless to say, it lasted a little over three hours! Nic and I grabbed a cinnamon roll from the cart a few floors down, as well as a drink, then settled in the waiting room for a few hours. Nicholas made friends with anyone around us, he played with his cars and dinosaurs, watched a movie, colored in his books, and even had a nice woman next to us read a story to him. When we reached the three hour point of Kevin being in surgery, I started to get worried and nervous...only to find out that he was just being rolled into the recovery area at that point.

The Neurosurgeon arrived in the waiting room right around the three and a half hour mark of Kevin going back. At that point he explained that the surgery was a lot more complex than expected due to the bone spurs, arthritis, and bones crushing Kev's nerves. He explained that the MRI did not even come close to showing the extent of the damages and injuries. Needless to say, we are both very pleased with this doctor and very happy that he went ahead with the surgery in place of Kevin waiting for after we moved.

Dr. Caram (the neurosurgeon) made the incision in the front right portion of Kev's neck and went through the side wall to reach the discs. At this point there were findings of severe cervical spondylosis (degenerative osteoarthritis of the joints between the spinal vertebrae ~ degenerative disc disease) at his C5-6 and C6-7. Dr. Caram had to do a good amount of drilling during this procedure. As I stated in the beginning, his C5-6 was a disc replacement and C6-7 ended up being a fusion. Dr. Caram also explained that the discs were pressing down and crushing Kev's nerves, which in return was also causing a lot of the pain.

Dr. Caram explained to us that after the surgery and once Kevin starts to feel somewhat better, he needs to use his neck muscles in exercises that have him looking up, down, left, and right because certain neck muscles have been "lost" due to not using them. He now has to strengthen them all.

Before the surgery, Kevin would sporadically get stabbing headaches and neck pains, there was a grinding feeling when he would look left, right, up, or down. His back was beginning to show somewhat of a hunch and to lift his arms in an upward position would be painful throughout the shoulder area. Following the surgery, the shoulder pain was minimized and so far he has not grabbed his head from the stabbing headaches. Now, when he looks to the left or right, he no longer has the grinding pain and just has the surgical pain. Kev is still real sore and the pain is noticeable at times, but overall, the improvements are already showing through! He is very glad it is over and very excited to get through this recovery process so that he can feel all the improvements.


For those of you who may not know much about the incidents that led to this surgery, let me tell you. In 2006-2007 while in Iraq, Kevin came in close contact with many IED's, VBED's, mortars, RPG's, and was involved in numerous fire fights. The same thing in 2009, just not as severe. During one mission in 2007 an IED was activated right beside the truck Kevin was gunning in and he was thrown from the turret. This incident  left him with a gash on the front upper part of his head, bleeding everywhere,  briefly unconscious, broken elbow, hurt back and neck, and nerve damage throughout his arms. Following these injuries, he was put back on missions a couple days later and kept pushing through. When he redeployed home months later, I could instantly see the differences in him physically. He was not able to move as he did before and he was always in pain. He could no longer pick up heavy objects as before he deployed to Mosul, Iraq. As time crept by, he became worse. Even though the physical struggles became more challenging as the days went by, he still kept pushing through and even deployed again 17 months later. In 2009 he was in Iraq for about 8 months when they medically sent him home on R&R. At this point, he had become so much worse. He was unable to open things, such as water and gatorade bottles. His hands had quit working and he was partially paralyzed. Kevin could no longer hold nor fire his weapon and had lost feeling in both hands. Upon his return he had to undergo a surgery in each arm called a Ulnar Nerve Transition. Within time, the feeling and movement came back in his hands and arms. His left hand is much better today, but he still cannot fully extend his right hand open. His pinky and ring finger do not open all the way. He also has a lot of tingling throughout this area and the feeling has not even returned half way. After trying physical therapy and injections in his back and neck, the surgeon decided it was best to go ahead with the disc replacement and fusion. Kevin still has bone spurs, crushed vertebrae, arthritis, and degenerative disc disease throughout his back. However, this surgery should help him out tremendously!

As always, please keep our family in your prayers when it comes to our health obstacles!

I'm Almost Back

What a chaotic month this past month or so has been for my family! First, I had spinal surgery on June 18 which kept me down for awhile. I am still trying to recover as I write this, but am much better than I was. The pain is still there and it still hurts to sit, but it could be worse!

Kevin had to undergo a disc replacement on his C5-6 and a fusion on C6-7 this past Wednesday morning (July 20). He had to stay over night at Beaumont and is home now, recovering. He is already able to tell and feel a difference and improvements, which is absolutely amazing! We cannot wait to see what the full recovery brings to him! Kev is still in a fair amount of pain and very sore, but is on his road to feeling better in that area of his neck and shoulders. I will post again at some point this weekend of the details of his surgery and why it was done, just as I will update with many photos that I have hidden away to share!

Hopefully in the next week or two, I will be back to updating on here. Thank you so much to everyone that prayed and to all that called/messaged me to check on him and me over the past six weeks! We appreciate and love you all!

Surgery on a Saturday

What a day full of craziness! I finally managed to fall asleep around two or so this morning and woke up to the dreaded sound of my alarm clock ringing at 3:45. Not a great way to start the day at all! By 4am, we were headed out the door and on the way to the hospital. I had to finish up my registration and check in. By 545 I was in the triage area and being prepped to go to the OR area. Kev and Nic were allowed to sit with me, even though they aren't suppose to, which kept me so much more calmer. I needed them with me before undergoing another surgical procedure. My nerves were a wreck this morning. Once we headed to the OR triage/recovery area, they allowed Kevin and Nic to continue staying with me until taken back to the operating room.

While in the OR triage, the anesthesiologist placed a patch behind my ear and went ahead and started me on phenegran because I ALWAYS end up so sick and vomiting everywhere after surgery from the anesthesia. This doc was awesome with the way he cared for me. He also gave me a different type of anesthesia for this surgery to help with me getting sick. This surgery was the first one that I woke up in just pain and NOT sick! Amazing difference. It hurts like crazy to vomit following a surgical procedure. When I woke up, couldn't open my eyes yet, but I was calling out in pain and asking for something for the pain I was in. Over the next couple of hours I had three or four injections and a couple pain pills. The pain did let up some, finally, and I was able to home after a few hours. One of the things that stands out with this hospital, the nurses, and surgical team was their generosity and hospitality. Every time I got up to use the restroom, I was welcomed back to my bed with fresh, warm blankets. How cool is that? They took off my old ones. The RN's wanted to make sure that I wasn't cold before and after the procedure. I have never seen medical staff like that.

We were able to leave the hospital around lunch time and made it home shortly after. While at home, I was able to catch ten to twenty minute naps, but nothing to amount to anything. Over a few hours the pain started to grow entirely too intense, so I finally broke down and called a nurse to ask questions. She then told me I needed to proceed to the ER in order to get my pain in control (which is why this wasn't posted yesterday). She also informed me that they should have kept me overnight to monitor my vitals and pain management. We went to Beaumont since they can place this in my records, but the nurse there told us to expect a six hour wait. Yes, you read quickly! Six hours.... There was no possible way I could even think about sitting that long. Just won't happening. So, we headed to Providence and I was in my room in about twenty minutes,

At Providence we found out that my blood pressure was way too low, so they had to give me more meds. They think it's because I can't seem to overcome the anemia from last year's surgery   Then they pumped me full of some pain meds and phenegran. Let me just tell you... pain was gone and I was out from being so drugged up. haha. They sent me home with phenegran to help control my sickness and three forms of pain meds to take. Have to keep this all under control.

Now, I am home and still hurting like crazy. The ER doctor explained to me that this surgery is one of the worst ones on the spine and takes a very long recovery. They had to actually cut through the bone. Ouch!

Thank you for all the prayers, comments, calls, texts, and support through all of this. Each of you that have been here for me are awesome and amazing! I have been so blessed to have each of you in my life and truthfully do not know what I would do without all of you!

And a HUGE thank you to my wonderful husband, Kevin and to our kids! You four have helped so much already and have been more than I could ask for. I would be lost without you guys and could never thank you enough. I love you guys!

All my love,
Britt

Anxiously Waiting

Here is is, 1230 and my body feels past the point of exhausted, yet there is no way to just shut my mind down. I have a million thoughts just racing through my head and the anticipation of surgery is beginning to eat away at me.  Earlier today I found myself literally in tears because I am just so tired of all these health problems. I am 28 years old and have had multiple surgeries and issues. I have spent many weeks in the hospitals. I have undergone more procedures and tests than I could ever remember. Looking in the mirror I always see scars that are a constant reminder of surgeries. The way I feel more days than one should be allowed to, whether in pain or just not well, is a constant reminder of the fact that I can't get up and go like people my age, like I use to. So much has changed and so many things will never be as they once were.

I am feeling all over the place as I write this. My mind is running rancid and honestly, I find myself scared over another surgery. Yes, this is a spinal one and the type it is has very limited worries to it. With that being said, I can't help but to struggle with the fears after the last surgery ended up the way it did. For those of you who are not aware of what I am referring to, click kidney failure (august) and kidney failure (November). I keep telling myself that my strength, belief in God, and close family, friends, and all the prayers combined are what kept me here and have kept me going. It hasn't been easy since August, but I am here. There is still some of me that is trying to recover. Like, I am still anemic. I am not sure that will ever change. It really takes a toll on me some days. My kidneys aren't what they use to be, nor will they ever be again. I have to watch what I eat, drink, and what medications I put into my body in order to keep my kidneys functioning. I had never even had a kidney infection before August.... So I can't help but to find myself fearing this surgery.....

Thank you friends and family that have been by my side through all of this. Not just here and there or day before or when convenient... but through everything. I can never express what your prayers and concerns mean to me and my family. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You guys have kept me pushing and striving to always keep going. You have kept the positive side in me when I have felt it crashing. Thank you.

I will update on here as soon as I feel up to it.

I love you all!

Messy Wing Night & Medical Update

Tonight while eating dinner we discovered another way on how Nicholas is so much like Kevin! It really is quite frightening to be honest. Kevin and I have always been huge fans of either making wings or ordering some. The girls like them, but it's not something they go out of their way to ask for. Nicholas LOVES chicken, especially wings! Tonight for dinner we grilled some awesome wings! Of course, Kevin always makes his own mix of sauces...never tasting the same but always amazingly tasty! Tonight was absolutely no different. All three kids inhaled the wings. Nic decided to literally eat everything off the bone and pretty much lick it clean. I was quite grossed out when I heard a "crunch" from him taking a piece of the bone off. Yuck! I had to start taking bones away before he ended up choking himself. Caitlin and Nic we so overly messy once finished. Of course Caitlin went into the bathroom to wash her hands and face, while Nic had other plans. He decided to lick every single finger then even started licking his palms. I was able to take pictures of Nicholas while he was chowing down and Caitlin's messiness after eating, but wasn't able to get one of Bre.

Medical Updates:


Let's just start with, we have a very busy summer on our hands now! On Saturday I go in for my spinal surgery at six in the morning. The procedure itself should take less than an hour, but we will have to spend a little time before and a couple hours after in recovery, then I should be on my way home. As of right now, they are planning on it being an outpatient procedure, but are fully aware of my medical conditions, so if need be, they will admit me. They will be monitoring me with more machines and doctors than they typically do because of my kidneys and overall health. My kidney function came back today in the normal range! Yay. That is always nice to see. However, as we all know, that can change in a matter of minutes with my condition. Please say a prayer. My thyroid panel also came back in the normal range, which means that I can go through with this procedure. If it ever comes back abnormal, I have to wait until I am in the normal range for at least six weeks unless it is an emergency since I do not have a thyroid gland. We learned this the hard way in 2005 when I had to have an emergency laparoscopy from multiple ovarian cysts that ruptured at one time. I was sent to ICU following the procedure. We were in Germany at the time. They were not able to get me to wake up after the surgery due to my health. It was pretty scary. It took more than half the day of me being closely monitored in ICU before they could take me to my room. I don't remember much about it at all, but I do know that Kevin was freaking out because they told him to expect me in a little over an hour and it was HOURS later. Yes, we were at a German hospital, so the language barrier made it difficult at times. Unstable thyroid panels can send a person into a coma from the anesthesia. Needless to say, I am sure you all understand my excitement now over my levels being normal. I have to have them checked every six to eight weeks, which is quite often. The only somewhat worrisome part on my labs was my RBC (red blood count). It is showing I am still anemic. I just haven't been able to keep it up and normal since I went into kidney failure the first time in August. It's very frustrating and really upsets me to be honest. But, that is a different topic for a different day. After my surgery, the full recovery takes between six months to a year! Not looking forward to that, but I will say it will be better to be in pain while recovering than to experience the pain I am now with nothing to look forward to.

On Friday I had to have two biopsies, one on my face and the other on my shoulder. If you have never had to have that done by a dermatologist, feel lucky! The numbing injection BURNS like crazy! I now know exactly what Kev was talking about when he had his done earlier this year. Insane! Anyhow, the doctor wasn't too concerned about the spot on my jaw line, but was somewhat concerned about the spot on my shoulder and mentioned Basal Cell Carcinoma. I should know something by Friday on each one. I am praying that it is benign, like he said it probably is. One skin cancer person is enough. Kev's surgery was a success to remove another spot of Squamous Cell Carcinoma! His face and scar look great!

Kevin saw his neurosurgeon today and disc replacement surgery has been scheduled for later next month. They are replacing his C4 and C5 discs and doing a fusion on the area directly below it. He is looking forward to the surgery and the fact that soon he will feel much better. In 2007 he was thrown from the turret of his vehicle while gunning after they were hit with an IED. During this time, he broke his elbow, messed up his back, busted the front top portion of his head, and now has permanent TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) from it. *This is what caused he permanent nerve damage in both arms that led to the ulnar nerve replacement surgeries at the end of 2009. His arms are so much better! His left arm is great, but his right arm isn't as strong as we hoped it would be. He is able to open and close both hands again and does have feeling back for the most part.* Back to the disc replacement. The recovery is about 6-8 weeks overall. The first few days will be somewhat hard and he will stay overnight in the hospital the night of the procedure. I can't wait for Kev to get through the recovery and to see him without being in so much pain all the time! I am ready to take on this recovery with him just to see him in a better condition!

As far as my pelvic/abdominal issues, the surgeon I was sent to explained that this surgery is even too much and complicated for him. I am seeing my GYN on July 7 to see what our next plan of action is. She may want to do a clean up laparoscopy because the adhesions need to be cleaned out again. She has already mentioned that. I will update on here as soon as I hear something in a couple weeks!

The summer may be busy, but I have no doubts over it and know Kevin and I can tackle it head on!

On a bright note, this month marks eleven years of Kevin and I being together. How awesome is that?!?! At the end of the day, I can honestly say, our marriage and relationship is better now than it has ever been. It's an amazing thing to look at my husband eleven years later and feel more in love than ever before! We sure have come a long ways!

At a Loss

I should be working on a test right now for a course that I have a little over a week to complete, yet here I am, unable to focus any attention of what I should be doing. Instead, I am thoughts, worries, fears, and pure anger are taking over tonight. I want to cry. I want to throw things. I want to shout at the world that life just doesn't seem fair and that this woman that stands at barely 5'3" and weighs a little over 115 pounds just can't take on anything else. Yet, here I am. As much as I just want to break... I won't. I don't really know how. 

As grateful as I am when it comes to all I have in life and I much as I cherish the smallest things, I don't understand why I cannot just catch a break from upsetting things. I don't even know where to go from here or how long this will be. So, please forgive me should this go astray. I am just at a loss right now. There is just so much going on and even more to accept as I take it all on. 

Kevin just went through a surgical procedure to remove another cancerous spot from his face. The good news is that the surgeon did an excellent job in the procedure and his scar looks AMAZING! I am so happy over this. He was stressed and worried due to having his cheek cut open and because of the fact his arms already make his subconscious enough. In case you are not aware, in 2007 he was hit during a mission and thrown from the turret out into open ground. During this he was knocked unconscious and suffered from TBI, a broken elbow, and severe nerve damage. In 2009 he was sent home a little past midway during another deployment. He was unable to do certain things and could not function properly. It was to the point he had no feeling in either hand and was considered paralyzed. He had to undergo two surgeries, one on each arm to cut nerves, replace things, and move nerves around. Over time he was able to open and close his hands again and slowly regain feeling. However, his right arm and hand didn't heal properly and it is falling back to how it was before the surgery. He has no strength in his hand and struggles at time. He still does not have the feeling back. With this being said, the scars on each arm take up the majority of the arm. We were just informed this past week that he will more than likely have to under go another surgery on his right arm. We should find out more soon. He is also being scheduled for his disk replacement in his neck within the next few weeks. I am trying not to worry to much about this surgery, but it's not working. He can't turn his head to the left very far and is in constant pain. He neck started to show too much curvature in 2007 during the deployment in Mosul and has gradually gotten a lot worse. After injections, physical therapy, acupuncture, and chiro appointments, the only option is the surgery. He is very ready for it to happen and ready to get past the recovery. They say the first few days will be difficult and after that it is more about the muscles in that area re-adjusting to his neck being in a better condition. Within a couple months he will go from being sore and pain to out of nowhere, able to move better than he has in years. It will just happen. I can't wait for him to be out of pain and able to move his head better!

I am still waiting to be scheduled for the surgery on my lower spine/tail bone region. They have to remove a piece of my spine from where I fell and broke my tail bone a couple years back. It never healed and is causing terrible inflammation and pain throughout my lower spine. They may also have to readjust it all while they are in there. We won't know to what extent until after the surgery. The recovery will take about a year, the first month being the most difficult.

On Friday I was informed that I have to undergo ANOTHER abdominal surgery sometime soon. Yes, you read that right...another one. There have been way too many! This one is to remove my cervix. Hell, everything else has been removed, so maybe this will take care of the issues. Who knows though. When I had to go through the oopherectomy in August (removal of ovaries), they were unable to get to my cervix because of the endometreosis and adhesions (which now I have some sort of adhesion disease?). My cervix is wrapped up and connected to other organs and my abdominal wall. To do this surgery is a very high risk thing and takes a highly qualified surgeon to perform. There is a chance of bowel and intestinal damages, but without the surgery I will get a lot worse. We really have no other option at this point. I have been referred to a GYN oncologist who is very qualified to perform this and is not a military doctor. As most of you know, I almost lost my life last year because of an incompetent surgical team at a military hospital. You can read more about this situation here. 

I am also scheduled for another colonoscopy this coming Thursday due to many issues. In November I was admitted back into the hospital for a week due to kidney failure (again) and found out that I had multiple kidney stones and colitis. Since I was diagnosed with colitis I had to go through a colonoscopy. During this time, they found out that I had ulcers that were bleeding and a tumor. With this, I have had some issues since then, ones that I don't care to go into right now, and have to go through the procedure again. The doc is concerned that there may be more to it than originally thought. Of course, following the procedure on Thursday I will know more. 

So, aside from the many procedures I have had to undergo, this coming surgery makes ten surgeries overall and the back will make eleven....

This will be the: 

8th surgery on my stomach since 2001

5th full open abdominal incision (3 were c-sections)(since 2001)

3rd since August 2010 (the other two were laparoscopy's)

They say this one will be difficult in every aspect, even recovery. More so than the others because of what all has to be done and because of the pure fact I will now be cut open five times in the same spot. This is a high risk and major surgery. 

Needless to say... No, I am not doing okay with any of it. I am tired of being cut open. I am tired of crappy health. I am tired of surgeries. I am tired of doctors. I hate it all. I just want health like the majority of others my age. I want to feel good and live a normal life. I am so damn tired of things being taken from me and it pisses me off that I cannot live in ways that a 28 year old should be able to. I am angry over the fact that my life was almost cut short last year and from that I am now limited to so many things. It's not fair. 

No, I am not being rude or ungrateful. To know me, you would know that I am one of the most appreciative people around. But, you know what... I am allowed and entitled to feel as I do. Until you walk in my shoes, please refrain from judging me, my feeling, or things I say. Please don't preach to me on the fact that I am still alive. I know this and am very aware of it all. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for allowing me to stay here. I have a good life with my husband and kids! There is not a single day I take for granted. I never have. Life is a gift and I cherish and enjoy every part of it... even times like now. Yet, that doesn't make any of this right.

It's not right that right now, I need people to be here and to let me cry and vent. Right now I need my family and friends. Right now, once again, I am learning that it's easier for people to brush this off rather than to pick up the phone and call. I am learning again that even with the severity of my husbands PTSD and other issues, he is my main support in life. I don't think I could get through any of this without him by my side... My kids, Kevin, and a few other people keep me going and pushing. We all know that none of this will keep me down for long, because I won't let it. But, right now, in this moment, I feel weaker than I normally do and I don't know what to do. The ones I thought I could turn to, that I have always been here for, have obviously turn the other way. I guess when it is easier to be there for someone when they are going through good things in life and not so much when things get difficult. Though, I have heard quite a few times that if I weren't so far away they could be here for me. Hmmm.... not exactly sure why or how distance can make such a difference. I have never let distance become the reason of not being here for someone that I love and care about. I suppose that is just me though. Distance should never be an obstacle on things in life. I guess I would rather learn this now, than later though. 

Kev's PTSD and TBI leaves us with good days, but it has us facing many difficult days. Seems lately he has been having many bad moments throughout the day and nightmares again. I have learned the signs and the triggers, not all of course, but many. I now know how to handle the kids should one strike and how to handle him. Still, it doesn't make it easier to see him face these battles.... To see us face them, I should say. It angers me to see how lightly many people take combat injuries. It's like it you can't physically see the injury on a person, then it didn't occur. Not even close to the truth... El Paso is breaking him down more and more by the day. There are too many things about this city and the people that leave him fighting flashbacks and hard times. I hate this city because of the struggles I see first hand. I cannot wait to get him and our children away from here and into the quiet little town that we have decided on. It can't come soon enough. 

I just feel at a loss in the moment that I am in and pray for strength to get through it all. I have to and with a smile on my face. Thank you to the ones that have remained by my side every step of the way. There are a couple of you that stay by my side, good or bad. I cannot thank you enough. I am sure I will update more in the next few days. I know I have neglected writing the past few days, but I have had a lot to take in. 

As always, thank you for reading and feel free to comment or email!

                                                                                                                       ~♥~  Britt

What I didn't Expect

As I sat in the waiting room of the GI doctor’s office with Kevin and Nicholas, I honestly expected to hear that I would be put on more medication for the form of colitis I have. What I didn’t expect to hear was the word “tumor”, even if it did come with the work benign before…..

As most of you know, in November of last year I was admitted into the hospital for kidney stones and colitis, which led to me falling back into kidney failure again. During my stay I had to undergo multiple test and labs. One of the days during my weeklong visit, I had to go through a colonoscopy in order for the gastrointestinal (GI) specialist, Dr. Tune, to have a better look at my colon. During this procedure a mass was found inside my colon and a biopsy was taken. Ulcers and minimal internal bleeding was also discovered, both stemming from the colitis. I was sent home on a variety of pills to take throughout the day for the weeks to follow.

This morning I had my follow up appointment and check up with Dr. Tune. I really like and trust this doctor. He also did the endoscopy I had done in January 2009 when I was admitted for the thyroid storm I went through. Some of you may remember how mad I was over that! The “amnesia” meds did not work properly, so needless to say, I was able to recall the whole experience. They told me to go to sleep afterwards, so I would forget everything, but with me being so stubborn, that never happened.  Back to today, after my exam he had me meet him in his office in order to discuss the report that held the results. He then proceeded to tell me that I have a benign tumor in my colon. During the colonoscopy, he did perform a biopsy on the mass that was found in my colon. The lab is stating it is benign. I am being monitored for the next few months and have a follow up appointment on 13 April 2011. At this time, a second colonoscopy will be scheduled. The doctor wants to check the size and form of this tumor. At this time we will also discuss treatment options depending on the outcome.

I also found out through Dr. Tune that endometriosis can also be found in the Colon if not removed properly… He does not think this is the case at all. However, during the colonoscopy after April, he is going to look for this as well. If Beaumont did not remove it all, then it could have started forming on my intestines as well as other organs. Please just say a prayer that all was taken care of. We have been made aware that due to the multiple abdominal surgeries I have had to endure; I stand a very high chance of surgeries at a later date because of scar tissue buildup throughout the abdominal and pelvic cavities. The scar tissue is already surrounding my colon and was not removed when my ovaries were. This may too be an issue. We will of course know more at a later date. The scar tissue can and will mock the same symptoms as the endometriosis I was diagnosed with a few years back. At this point, we are at a standstill and are praying for no more surgeries in the near future. I am not at all ready for anymore (not that anyone really ever is). I am just ready to get past everything and start living my life with Kevin and our kids.

As I know more, of course I will let you all know more. You all know how it goes. Everything with health and a lot in life is a waiting game. Patience is the key to it all. I am hoping to know more on April 13.

Just please, keep praying…..

Bre's Brave Day

What a busy day Breanna and I experienced yesterday! After about 3-4 hours of sleep, the two of us ended up waking up a little after 5am to get ready for Bre’s surgery. Kevin had to work the night prior, so he ended up staying home with Nicholas and also go Caitlin off to school. He did get up with us to see us out. I think that helped Breanna out as well. We left the house around 545 to start our journey to Beaumont. We checked in at 630 and began the waiting process. Why is it that they Army’s famous line of “Hurry up and Wait” must even play a vital role with the children? We sat in her room until a little after 10 before heading out to the OR triage room. Bre went into surgery around 11 and was out and in the OR recovery room by 1145.

Before the surgery she held herself together a little too well. She acted like it was no big deal. She had a room with another little girl, Caitlin is her name. She is seven. She went to the surgical floor before Bre. As soon as the nurse came into get her, she just broke into tears. It crushed me! She too had to undergo a tonsillectomy. Following her leaving, Breanna and I sat in the room for a good while longer waiting. She colored and watched her tv. We talked. She ended up getting pretty restless and tired of waiting. I can’t lie, so did I. Once we were on the surgical floor and in her triage area, Breanna just melted into tears, which you all know, broke my heart. I hate seeing any child cry, but especially my own. She told me that we needed to just go back upstairs, let her get dressed and leave. She didn’t want to go through with the surgery. I ended up putting the side of her bed down and crawling onto the bed with her. We sat there just talking. I explained to her why this procedure was necessary and how the first few days would suck. However, I also told her that she could have as much ice cream, popsicles, frozen yogurt, applesauce, and anything else that is soft that she wants. That seemed to help ease her fears a little. I also explained to her how much better she will start to feel in the weeks to come. The doctors and nurses were in and out of her area, asking her questions and explaining a lot of what all was going on. They had her take her inhaler again to help keep her airways open. Then the time came to take her back. This is when the tears really started to come. Of course, when they pulled her away, so did mine. It was such a long 45 minutes of waiting.

The surgery went without complications. She did great throughout it! Following her surgery, the doctor pulled me from the waiting room and explained to me all the details concerning the surgery and how her recovery should fall into place. When we reached the recovery area, Breanna was pretty loopy. She was fighting with the nurses, not wanting to be messed with at all, and being a total pain. Haha. When she realized I was standing there, she sat straight up, put her arms out, hugged me, and said “It is so good to see you again, Mom”. Lol, I could not help but to laugh at this comment. It had not even been an hour since we last saw each other. It was too cute and made me feel pretty good.  At another time she was almost asleep when she shot up and told me Caitlin is nothing but a liar. I asked her where this was coming from. She proceeded to tell me that Caitlin is a liar because Caitlin told her that she would wake up talking like this….. This ended up sounding like a dying frog. Needless to say, Bre had a voice. After about 15 minutes of sitting there she told me that she had to go to the bathroom. We had to call the nurses over, who told us that never before had they experienced a patient needing to urinate that soon after a surgery. Leave it to my child to pull this one! Lol. We had to get the head nurse to approve her getting up so soon after the procedure. Yes, she actually had to go! After that, she told the nurses she felt real sick to her stomach. They ended up having to give her phenegran. Which knocked her out! She was completely asleep when her eyes popped open; she looked at her left arm and asked, “Whoa. What is that? Take it out because it is hurting my hand”. Breanna had just taken notice of her IV. She kept trying to pull her IV out because she just didn’t want it in. Talk about a fight we all had on our hands until the morphine and phenegran finally hit her.  Then she slept for almost three hours. Typically they keep people in that area for about 45 minutes to an hour before sending them back to their room on the 6^th floor to be monitored for a few more hours there. As I said, we spent almost three hours in the OR recovery area. This happened because her oxygen levels stayed kind of low when she was asleep so they wanted to monitor her more there. A lot has to do with her asthma and lung development. She stayed between 88-92 on her own, so we had her hooked up to oxygen which kept her between 94-98 for the most part. Once she was able to start keeping her levels up on her own, we headed back to her room, where we sat for about another hour or so. She slept for the most part, except when the nurse came in and mentioned ice cream. 

As we were preparing to leave, Breanna asked me if we could still go to Hobby Lobby for some wooden dolls she wants to color. (She also sat up in the OR recovery area and asked me about this. She actually asked a few times.) She was dead set that we were going to Hobby Lobby. The nurses said if she felt up to it then there was no reason we couldn’t go in, but only for a few minutes. Of course, we stopped by for her to get a couple of the dolls. Following this, we headed home. Once at home, she took a few naps on the couch, which is where she slept all night. Except when I woke her up to take something for the pain before it got out of control.

Today she seems to be feeling okay. Bre is just in more pain than she was. We told her tomorrow will probably be the worst, which is typically is. Then by Monday, she will slowly start to feel better. She just needs to remain patient and take it easy. Of course, she loves the fact that she can eat as much ice cream as she wants! She sent me out for more ice cream last night. She has more popsicles than I really think she knows what to do with, as well as a frozen yogurt and applesauce. She made an attempt to eat mac and cheese last night, but learned she is just not ready for it yet. So, she went back to juice, water, and the easy things to eat!

Thank you for all the prayers, love and concern! We all truly appreciate it all. Breanna is doing great for all that she went through. She’s a strong little trooper! Thank you for all the text messages, phone calls, comments & emails on FB, and any other way you have been in touch throughout this! We love each of you and are very blessed to have you in our lives.

Before the surgery. We were waiting to go to the Surgical Floor

Before

Bre was getting irritated at this point & ready to get it over with. 

We were in the OR triage area... she was trying not to cry.

Trying to keep the tears from flowing...

She broke down and I felt so bad for her. This killed me.

So, I climbed onto the stretcher with her & we took pictures.