I'm lying in bed, typing this from my iPhone and cannot help but to find myself reflecting upon what this year has already entailed.... It has left me elated, sad, overjoyed, numb, full of emotions, emotionless, and more than anything grateful for what I have been blessed with.
On January 12 we were overfilled with emotions as we spent the last day being apart of something we had come to know and love - Kevin being active duty in the army. It's one thing when a soldier leaves willingly because of an expected retirement or an ETS. It's another thing when the soldier is told he has to be medically retired due to combat injuries that fills page after page once it was documented. On January 13 we fell into this new world that we are still trying to transition to. Sure, it feels amazing knowing that no more deployments lie ahead. Truthfully, I'd take more deployments if I knew I could have Kevin home with no injuries. The VA has him classified as one with severe injuries - physical and mental. It breaks my heart. Yet, that's not what was in the plans for us and that's not what happened. No matter the injuries, I'm forever thankful that our kids and I have him home and we get to work through his injuries with him. He'll never be the same, he'll always hurt and there will always be issues, but he's home.
Not even a week after his retirement took effect, I received the devastating news that my Great Uncle was not expected to make it through the night. Sadly, he passed away very early on January 19. Everyone in our family has been affected by this and one of the most amazing men to ever live is now watching over all of us. There will never be enough words to describe my Uncle James. Each of us that knew him could tell story after story filled with our memories. We could also go on for days on how he changed our lives and our perspective on things. At 91 years old, he lived an amazing life!
Two weeks ago, right at a month after my Uncle's passing, I received the traumatic news that a friend of mine had taken it upon herself to commit suicide. My heart aches for the pain she was in, just as it aches for all of us that are left here full of so many unanswered questions. My heart is broken for the two little girls that adored their mother to know they are now growing up without her. I have been affected with Heather's decision and her death in ways that I never imagined possible. I so badly wish that I could just shake her and scream at her asking her why this would have even been something to consider. I want to yell at her for her to open her eyes at what this has done and will do to her daughters. Most of all, I want to sit with her, cry, and talk all while letting her know things will be okay. But I can't. I'll never be able to and that alone leaves a hole in my heart. I just wish she'd known how much we all love her. My heart, thoughts and prayers are with her family now and always.
May this be a reason to tell those around you how much you love them. Time is a precious gift for each of us to have. Never forget that.
So, here it is, the first week of March and I find myself praying and praying that this month is far from traumatically eventful. I keep hoping for this to be a better month and productive in a good way. In a sense, I find myself in a form of "fear" as I think back on what this year has already brought to us and I hope that it's not the start to a terrible 2012.
Now you have it - thoughts that have been steadily running through my mind.
