Reflecting

I'm lying in bed, typing this from my iPhone and cannot help but to find myself reflecting upon what this year has already entailed.... It has left me elated, sad, overjoyed, numb, full of emotions, emotionless, and more than anything grateful for what I have been blessed with.

On January 12 we were overfilled with emotions as we spent the last day being apart of something we had come to know and love - Kevin being active duty in the army. It's one thing when a soldier leaves willingly because of an expected retirement or an ETS. It's another thing when the soldier is told he has to be medically retired due to combat injuries that fills page after page once it was documented. On January 13 we fell into this new world that we are still trying to transition to. Sure, it feels amazing knowing that no more deployments lie ahead. Truthfully, I'd take more deployments if I knew I could have Kevin home with no injuries. The VA has him classified as one with severe injuries - physical and mental. It breaks my heart. Yet, that's not what was in the plans for us and that's not what happened. No matter the injuries, I'm forever thankful that our kids and I have him home and we get to work through his injuries with him. He'll never be the same, he'll always hurt and there will always be issues, but he's home.

Not even a week after his retirement took effect, I received the devastating news that my Great Uncle was not expected to make it through the night. Sadly, he passed away very early on January 19. Everyone in our family has been affected by this and one of the most amazing men to ever live is now watching over all of us. There will never be enough words to describe my Uncle James. Each of us that knew him could tell story after story filled with our memories. We could also go on for days on how he changed our lives and our perspective on things. At 91 years old, he lived an amazing life!

Two weeks ago, right at a month after my Uncle's passing, I received the traumatic news that a friend of mine had taken it upon herself to commit suicide. My heart aches for the pain she was in, just as it aches for all of us that are left here full of so many unanswered questions. My heart is broken for the two little girls that adored their mother to know they are now growing up without her. I have been affected with Heather's decision and her death in ways that I never imagined possible. I so badly wish that I could just shake her and scream at her asking her why this would have even been something to consider. I want to yell at her for her to open her eyes at what this has done and will do to her daughters. Most of all, I want to sit with her, cry, and talk all while letting her know things will be okay. But I can't. I'll never be able to and that alone leaves a hole in my heart. I just wish she'd known how much we all love her. My heart, thoughts and prayers are with her family now and always.

May this be a reason to tell those around you how much you love them. Time is a precious gift for each of us to have. Never forget that.

So, here it is, the first week of March and I find myself praying and praying that this month is far from traumatically eventful. I keep hoping for this to be a better month and productive in a good way. In a sense, I find myself in a form of "fear" as I think back on what this year has already brought to us and I hope that it's not the start to a terrible 2012.

Now you have it - thoughts that have been steadily running through my mind.

Making Friends

Yes, I know I have not been the best at updating lately! I am not sure what in the world has gotten into me and my lack of adding photos and our latest happenings the past couple of months. Then again, in my defense...things have been NONSTOP since moving to Mena! Between doctors appointments, the VA (which means driving from Mena to North Little Rock - 3 hours one way), kids, school, FOV, and just plain life, we have not had much down time at all.

Today was another VA day. Kev had an consultation with the Physical Therapist to see if therapy on his neck is needed and it's not at this time. His lower back has been causing a sufficient amount of pain, so they are discussing if PT is needed and if it is what will be done. Due to other injuries, they can't put Kev on the same exercises and things that they would people without the spinal and nerve damage. He is pretty limited to things he can do physically.

On the drive out, Kev's back was really bothering him, so we had to stop around the halfway point in order for him to get out and walk around. We stopped off at an area overlooking a pasture, then on to a pretty view of the mountains.

 

This past Saturday, we had to spend the day in North Little Rock at the VA for a C&P (Compensation and Pension) appointment. I think there is maybe one more appointment for these and we will be past Kev's C&P days for awhile. We can hope, right? On the way home from this one we stopped to fill the truck up and grab a drink. As I walked out of the gas station, I noticed Nic following a Benton City Police Officer...One of which he definitely made buddies with...

Shop my Thirty-One Catalog Party

Shop my thirty-one catalog party starting February 24 and ending March 9. We have a huge assortment of bags, luggage, purses, items for organizing your life, stationary, and more! Our products are made with amazing stitching.

***MARCH SPECIAL***
As of March 1 (you can email me if you would like to order before - brbiddle@ymail.com) our monthly special is if you spend $31 on our products, then you can receive our fabulous Mini Utility Bin that is normally $22 for $8. That is a $22 savings! This is an offer that can't be missed!




Join my Facebook Event Page for updates and reminders, https://www.facebook.com/events/307195219333977/

To view and order thirty-one products, go to my webpage (http://www.mythirtyone.com/bbiddle/). Click on "place an order" at the top of the page in the pink link. On this page, you will see a box in the middle of the page with my Catalog Party info. Click on "shop now" to shop this party.

If you have any questions, please email me at brbiddle@ymail.com. 

This Mini Utility Bin comes in different colors and patterns

I will be hosting Catalog Parties from time to time, but you can order from my thirty-one website without there being a party going on! My site is always open!

There is Always Hope

There are no words when someone that you love takes their own life... My heart breaks for the friends and family that has been affected by the loss of my friend, but it is shattering for her little girls and what they are going through.

If you or someone you know has thoughts of suicide, please seek help immediately! Life is a precious thing that way too often we take for granted. The HOPELINE: 1-...800-784-2433 is 24/7 and can be used if suicide is being felt as an option or it can be used to simply have someone to talk to in moments of darkness.

1-800-273-TALK can also be called 24/7 (The Option 1 is for Veterans, but the call center also operates as a National Suicide Hotline outside of that option.

Aside from these two numbers, there are typically places in your local areas that can help you out. 

PLEASE never let depression take over you life and make you feel that suicide is your only option. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Even when you feel completely alone, people do love you and are here for you. 

My inbox and cell phone are always open to anyone that needs to talk!

Don't Worry About Me

Today, while sitting at my desk, I received a message with words I never thought I would read....

"_____ decided to take her own life" (Out of respect for family and friends, I will not be releasing her name at this time). All I could do was just sit there and stare at my phone is shock and disbelief. This is someone that a year ago I was sad to see moving away from where I lived, someone that I talked to about making plans to visit one another, someone that went out of her way for others, and always had a positive outlook on things... Yet, today I was informed of her taking her own life....

I have found myself in a daze more times today and in tears almost as much, just trying to put things together..trying to understand. Then I find myself angry at me because I should have been there more. I have not talked to her in a couple months because we have each just been so freaking busy. I just feel lost and hurt. I hurt for all of us that lost her, but even more for the two precious angels she left behind. Her daughters are so young and now having to take on the loss of their mother. My words are just very limited right now. I am just heartbroken, upset, mad, and so much more. Yet with all of these, I feel a bit numb.

Regardless of her choice, I still love her and will cherish all of our memories. Her daughters will remain in my prayers...always... just as everyone affected will remain in my thoughts and prayers.

I will always remember her smiling and  positive thoughts, as well as the amazing love she had for her daughters. I just hope they grow up knowing the same thing...

I am sure that she is shining and smiling down on us now, saying "Don't worry about me".

Why did she have to go
So young I just don't know why
Things happen half the time
Without reason without rhyme
Lovely, sweet young woman
Daughter, wife and mother
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

Loved ones she left behind
Just trying to survive
And understand the why
Feeling so lost inside
Anger shot straight at God
Then asking for His love
Empty with disbelief
Just hoping that maybe

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

It's hard to say goodbye
Her picture in my mind
Will always be of times I'll cherish
And I won't cry 'cause

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
Don't worry 'bout me
Don`t worry 'bout me

Snow in Mena

Last Sunday we fell asleep to a cold front that decided to grace us with its presence and woke to snow covered grounds. There was *maybe* an inch, if that covering Mena, but it was enough for not only the kids, but also Rylie, to have a blast playing in! The girls made snowballs and would throw them across the yard and fall into a fit of giggles as they watched Rylie gracefully just pounce across the yard. I am not sure which one of our girls had more fun during this time!

Nicholas enjoyed the snow as well, just not as much as the Breanna and Caitlin. Of course, at first the girls found more excitement in the fact schools were closed due to inclement weather. Kevin and I on the other hand did not share their same excitement! I am sure that had to do with it being Monday and the girls acting up some over the weekend! School is always a welcoming thing when the weekends are a bit rocky. In the end, our day turned out pretty good, the kids had a blast and once the cold weather was a too much, some yummy marshmallow topped hot chocolate warmed their little bodies up! Rylie slept well that night from being worn out from all the playing and Kevin and I enjoyed the white covered yards.

Maybe before the winter is over we will see more snow than the tease we received last week!

Check out my thirty-one page

A little over a week ago I decided to become a thirty-one Consultant and am now actively selling an assortment of organization tools, bags, purses, and so much more! As many of you know, due to some of my health issues and the battles that Kev faces, working full time is out of the question for me if it means working out of the house. This is where thirty-one became an excellent idea for us! The best part is that they are all great products and priced at a wonderful price and super easy to order!

February holds our special with if you order over $31 and receive 31% off any item ending them in "s". If this doesn't make sense, please email me at brbiddle@ymail.com. Amazing deal and one that should not be passed up!

You can view my personal site at http://www.mythirtyone.com/bbiddle/ and soon I will have my Facebook page up and running that will be updated with quite often with our specials and a ton of pictures!

Feel free to share my site, this blog, and my information with your families and friends!