The Facts of Our Lives

I have been real hesitant on writing this post.... Once you have read it, I am sure you will better understand why. Last week a doctor that Kevin has been seeing for the past year started a procedure that we have been pushing off since the first of this year. He put in the referral for Kev to go through the medical discharge from the army. Some of you may be asking what this means and why. Let me tell you. My husband suffers from PTSD. So many people out there look at PTSD as a joke. Just a heads up, it is NOTHING at all to joke about. This is something serious. We have soldiers that are losing their lives because they cannot handle what the PTSD does to them. NO, Kevin is not at any risk for taking his life or mine and the kids. There is no threat at all with this. I don't feel the need to go into detail on the severity of PTSD he suffers from, just know it has been a real tough road. Also know, he is not really wanting to be bothered on this. The decisions that are being made right now are between the doctor, Kevin and me. The other reasons for the medical discharge is he has skin cancer, caused by deployments, his back and neck are damaged from the deployments, damage in both arms from the deployments, possible sleep apnea from the deployments, and more. As you can see from all of this, he is not in any position to deploy again. Yes, the things that you think of when you think of a war zone are the things that Kevin has been through and had to do. The life he lived over there is a life that no person should have to endure, yet he did. So, if you have not lived the military life with your spouse gone, be thankful that they are home. Be thankful you are not living with the permanent changes this life can bring. I would not change my life with Kevin for the world. Being with him and our kids is all that I can ever want out of life. However, seeing the changes in him is not something that puts a smile on my face. My husband is forever changed.

One day when he was away during the last deployment he called me. I was just taking my lunch break. He called me whenever he was not out on a mission during my lunch break. It was the one time during my day that would put a smile on my face! This call was different and it was one that I still can't shake. It has been a little over a year since this call. In the midst of us talking all I could hear were very loud explosions, followed by sirens and yelling. Then Kevin saying, "Oh shit. Baby, I have to go. I love you more than anything, kiss the kids for me......" then the drop of the phone. Even after he dropped it, I sat in my truck, listening to all the explosions, sirens and yelling. It was like something out of a dream. All I could think is this is not happening. I cannot even put into the proper words how shaky I was, the things I was experiencing, or the noises I heard. All I could do was sit there with the phone to my ear for a few moments, praying it would stop. It wasn't just one or two explosions, there were multiple explosions and they were so loud. It sounded like they were right beside the phone. (Which later, I did find out they were right there at the tent...talk about close)  After a few minutes I knew I had to hang up the phone, so I did...then I broke down into tears. All I could do was pray that he was okay. Thankfully a few hours later, while I was standing in the HR's office talking with my boss, my cell phone rang. When I saw Kev's skype number on my screen I started to cry again. I was so thankful to hear his voice and to know he was okay. To this day, I cannot get those sounds out of my head or the fear in his voice. I cannot imagine this being the life that these guys are living daily. I understand more and more of PTSD and the after war life that goes on. They leave for war as an alive person and come back as someone that has literally lived through hell!

Once everything is said and done, Kevin will be medically retired. Everything is combat related, and there is a lot that is being documented. We will keep all of our benefits just as if he were to retire at 20 years. It is just an early retirement based on all that he has been through and all that is going on with him health wise and physically. Overall, he is doing pretty good though. He is incredibly strong and stubborn. He is beginning to look forward to a life with me and the kids...wherever that may be. We are making the decision on where we end up based on where we each find jobs. We appreciate everyone's input, but this is something we have to decide on our own, knowing that the five of us come first in wherever the road may lead....

Thank you to everyone for the prayers and for continuing to understand and stand beside us. There is no way to put into words how my we appreciate it all. This will all take time for the right decisions to be made. As soon as we know more, we will update on here (some of you will receive phone calls before it is posted on here). If there is more you want to know, please email (ksbiddle2@hotmail.com) or call us!

We love you all and appreciate you more than you know. Thanks for being patient as we make the transitions we are about to make. The only thing we know as of now is Kevin should be out of the army within the next 2-6 months. It just depends on the appointments he has and the MEB (Medical Evaluation Board).

 More updates to come.....

Old Mesilla Village

More than anything, we wanted to get out of the apartment today, yet didn't want to spend much money in doing so. With that being said, we got on the internet and decided to check out The Old Mesilla Village in NM, about 45 minutes from us. We ended up spending the afternoon there and really enjoying it! They have so many older shops, a small wine tasting shop with pistachios, and so much more! There is even a Billy the Kid store that use to be the Mesilla Courthouse, which had a trial of Billy the Kid in 1881. The kids were pretty well behaved for the vast majority of the time spent there. However, we decided we would let Nicholas be an even bigger boy and go without the stroller. Let's just say that was a terrible decision to make! He is big and old enough to walk around some, but the stroller still needs to stay at hand. After walking for awhile, with no nap, he did tend to get real fussy! Right down to the temper tantrum and melt down that we were faced with. Had we taken the stroller we could have eliminated most of this because he wouldn't of had to keep walking. I felt so bad because he was so hot and tired! All together, it was a nice day spent as a family!

In Shock... Asparagus & Squash

For dinner tonight, we thought we would try something new with the kids. We baked some great tasting ribs in the oven and wanted to have something different and tasty for our sides. Kevin made asparagus and squash. We have never made that before and it turned out wonderful! Personally, I was not crazy about the asparagus. The flavor was great, but I could not handle the texture. Just one of those things. Next time we are going to keep it a little more crunchy. We made it with garlic powder and almonds. We also made squash, which surprisingly to me, turned out to be very tasty! Breanna picked at her, Nicholas ate his, and Caitlin inhaled her dinner and not only wanted second, but thirds as well! She NEVER eats like that, so it really caught us off guard. We are thrilled that the kids actually ate so well! Of course we made a back up for the just incase... Mac and Cheese! We had to have that, which the kids also ate a lot of.

A Ride to the Front

We spent the afternoon going from one room to another in the Barracks, preparing for the single soldiers of 4/6 INF of 1/1 AD to finally start coming home from Iraq! *Very exciting to know this deployment is finally coming to an end!* We made pulled plastic off mattress, made beds and made sure each room had bottled water, sodas and snacks for the guys that would be in these rooms. Once you walked through the door there a living area, a bathroom and kitchen, along with two bedrooms. The brand new barracks have been built over the past two years and will be used for the first time by the guys returning from the deployment. When they left they were in trailers, now they return to such a better living area! Once we pulled the plastic off who knows how many mattresses, we started to walk back to the front. Nic decided he was tired of walking (it was way past naptime!) and decided to hop on to the plastic that Kev and Bre were dragging. This is how he made it to the front.

Out & About in El Paso

After spending most of the day at home today, we decided we all wanted to just get out. As we did yesterday, we just got in the truck and started driving. This time, staying in the area we live in! We started out by going to Sunland Racetrack & Casino to see the horses they have. We stopped at the stables across the street from the Casino and let the girls pet the horses. We have done this before and for the most part, the horses are all very friendly. Breanna and Caitlin fed them carrots and laughed the entire time! It was cute.

Following that we turned down a road that we have never been on before out here. One of the highways. We ended up at some historical land marks as well as the border. It was pretty neat! We were able to get right up to the new border fence they are putting up and able to see the Rio Grande from where we stood. As you can see from the pictures, there was a point that Kev and I were each on one side of the fence! We saw Mexicans playing in the Rio Grande... in our opinion it was a little too chilly to even consider that one! Not to mention there is no part of us that wanted to get in that anyways! Lol. We were able to get some pretty cool pictures of Mexico being as close as we were.

We drove through downtown and found a couple museums we want to eventually check out. Maybe in a few weeks we can! Driving home we saw some houses that we wanted to get a closer view of up on the Mountain tops. We drove up there and were able to get an amazing view of El Paso and Mexico. I bet it would be a very pretty view at night with all the lights! Something to check out later on.

After our driving we walked through Pier 1 just for fun then headed home to cook dinner.

By the end of the evening we were all exhausted and the kids were arguing over everything. It was a busy weekend for them!

Deming, NM

*** Below this post is a slideshow of the pictures we took on our day out ***

Around 11Am we decided to head to New Mexico, with no idea of where we would even end up. We loaded up the truck and just started driving. We ended up spending the afternoon in Deming, NM, which ended up being a real small town with museums and wineries! We all had an enjoyable day away from El Paso.

We started off at Luna Rossa Winery. Kevin and I both tried the wines and ended up choosing a bottle of white wine to take home with a wine glass from the winery. From there we drove around and ended up in the Historical part of Deming. Not that it was hard to locate considering the town was pretty small! The historical area held a two museums that we were able to tour before the closed. We arrived around 2:30 and they both closed at 4pm. The first one we went into was the Deming Luna Mimbres Museum. This is the one we took quite a few pictures at and put in the slide show. There was so much to see, from WWI memoribilias to vehicles to much more! The kids even had a blast checking out different exhibits! The museum was completed in 1916 and used as an Armory. It later served as a community social center and as a USO activity center. In 1977 Luna County Historical Society purchased the building to use as the museum once the Armory was finished. Following the museum we walked across the street to tour the Custom House. Everything in both museums was donated at one point or another.

After we finished with our historical viewing, we took a drive a few miles away to the St. Clair Winery, which is New Mexico's largest Winery. There we purchased another bottle of wine. (Kevin does have a glass with Brittney from time to time now! It was great having him there to taste wine with!) We bought the Gewurztraminer bottle of wine. It is a semi-sweet white wine with a light fruity taste. Of course, we had to come home with a wine glass from that winery as well!

We ended our day at the winery and decided it was time to head home. Nicholas went all day without a nap, so of course by this time he was getting pretty cranky as was Caitlin!

Deming, NM